Unplugging for a Few Days

Connectivity Suspended – Out of Touch - Enjoy!

As the owner/user of an iPhone, an iMac and a MacBookPro, plus a wireless connection in office and home, and in most public venues for all of them, (plus a roommate who is similarly connected) I am somewhat familiar with email, voice mail, live conversations and meetings through various means including Skype.  The latter is particularly useful for international calls.  Add to this mélange of apparati the social media network that includes one or more of the following social media -Facebook, Twitter, Linked In, My Space and Google + -  and you have activity that sucks up a lot of time, attention, energy and resources.  Yes, it’s how people communicate, connect and do business and fills our calendars and schedules with meetings, appointments, commitments and projects.

When we travel we sign up for “hot spot” with our phone service and that allows us to stay connected while on the road.  We used to depend on a satellite connection via a dish on the top of our mobile office.  They might have called it “cool spot” or  “mobile muse” and now there is something called Pinterest which is a Virtual Pinboard. “It lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find in your life. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.”   They post photos, projects and whatever they want to share on a board for others to see. Someone will surely mount a site that allows people to organize and share all the ugly things they find in their lives.  I prefer an application called “Gas Buddy” that allows me to find the least expensive fuel in whatever area I happen to be in at the moment.  I prefer real space to virtual any day of the week.

In light of all this connectivity, our most recent offering was an opportunity for a small group of people to unplug for several days and come together in an old-fashioned retreat setting and see what we might make of this kind of experience.   It will be interesting to get some feedback on the unplugged part of the Seminar and see how many were really able to stay simply unplugged for just three full days.  Perhaps the only way to accomplish that part is to go to a hermitage where there is no electricity, no wireless, no cell service (global sat excluded) no land lines and make it a true wilderness event.   I will put it on my to do list and write it out on a yellow note pad.  Stay tuned, or connected, to learn of what’s coming down the road!

Asking the Right Question

As an extension of my role as an adjunct professor teaching a course called “The Doctor Patient Relationship,” I was shadowing one of the third-year residents in family practice for 24 hours. We were summoned around midnight to the emergency room where a woman appeared with a lump on her forehead.  The young doctor took her vital signs, talked with her and expressed appropriate concern about what had happened.

The patient reported that she was on a step ladder, hanging a picture and the hammer
 had slipped from her hand and hit her on the left side of her forehead where there was indeed a red, swollen bump.  The doctor asked if she were in pain and whether she had any other symptoms and she responded by saying that the bump had hurt but she didn’t feel any other signs of discomfort or pain.  All the vital signs checked out OK and after the doctor examined the bump closely and talked to the patient a little more, we left the room to get some pain pills and write a prescription.

Doctor Leonard looked at me while we were outside and said, "I don’t know why she bothered to come here, it’s not serious and she could have just taken some aspirin or ibuprofen and saved herself the trip."  I responded by asking him if he wanted to know the real reason she had shown up and he said he thought it was because she was scared and that it might be more serious.  Not a bad guess, said I, but if you want to know more, when we go back in, ask her what she’s doing on a ladder at midnight on Friday, hanging a picture.

“So,” says Dr. Leonard to Nancy Frame, “what were you doing on a ladder at midnight hanging a picture?”   She looked at him, silent for a moment, and then with tears starting to flow and shaking a bit, said, “My husband just divorced me and this is the first weekend my 3 kids are with their Dad and I was all alone and feeling really bad.”    She went on a bit about how hard it’s been for the past several months and she wasn’t sure how she was going to get through all of the pain, hurt and loneliness.  Dr. Leonard let her express her sadness, her emotional pain, and then said he knew the name of a really good counselor if she wanted someone that she could talk to about how to cope with her struggle.  She said that would be really helpful and thus that first treatment session ended.

After Nancy left, Dr. Leonard turned to me and said, “How did you know?”  I said I didn’t know anything but sometimes, asking the right question will get you more information than if you assume you know that what you’re seeing and hearing is all there is to know.  Take time to ask another question before concluding with your first response.  See how that might change what you might have said earlier.

Appreciating Silence and Stillness

Taking some time to be still, sit quietly and listen to the deafening silence is such a nurturing experience to mind, body and spirit.  No rings, dings, beeps, not even the sound of traffic or voices or the wind.
All is quiet and at rest.  Even 15 minutes can make a positive difference in the rest of the day.  Imagine taking that gift and extending and expanding it to half an hour or a complete hour.  Empty the mind and focus only on one thought or feeling and stay with it.  The view from my office window provides a horizon of treetops and blue sky, a sun-drenched morning.  I see Spring, feel it in my bones and let the warmth sink in as I move closer to walking lightly on the good earth very soon.  The ground is still damp from a day of rain and snow and green growth is evident in bud and branch.  How shall I connect with all of this and breathe in new life and growth for myself?  Stay connected, stay grounded and know that the ground of our being is creation herself.  Plant and cultivate.  Feed and water these lives whether in plant or animal or one's self.  Hold all close with careful attention to what you can give to these moments for the return is well worth the investment in this time of silence.

The Challenge of Transition

I participated recently in a small group exercise in which we shared our challenges that we are facing currently.   I described how I was part of an organization that was expanding and growing and my personal intent was to decrease my activity to the point of a half-time commitment.  It's a small organization and I have been a significant part of it since its founding 14 years ago so that everyone's participation and commitment are critical to its success.

The feedback from the others in the group was enormously helpful as I continue to wrestle with the transition from full-time to part-time professional work.   One person said, "How long might you be comfortable living with the tension?  For example, in your experience, do these things tend to resolve themselves with a little patience?  And/or is there a willingness for the idea you have for your life to change if something unexpected is being called forth that you didn't anticipate?"  While I might have responded no, these things do not tend to resolve themselves what I focused on instead was my lack of patience, thus the lesson learned was take a breath, step back and realize it doesn't all have to be accomplished within the next two months.  Plans are just that and sometimes they might need an adjustment here and there.

Another person said "Fill your other hours (over the 20 you're willing to work) with those things you are excited to be able to now pursue and try to truly be just a consultant - distancing is an opportunity to appreciate."   Other responses included answer your own question objectively as if you were one of us and make a pro-con list of benefits and burdens of being either full time or part time.  I did not expect anyone to have the magic recipe or answer that would solve the transition equation but their responses were thoughtful and very helpful to me personally and professionally.  The exercise also demonstrated the tremendous value of feedback from others as a learning experience and what I learned has helped me take several more steps toward the desired goal.

Patience and Perseverance

I heard once that perseverance pays off, and I must add, eventually.  Thus we need to connect patience with perseverance and we have a much better chance of the payoff.  Herewith, an excerpt from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

We are, quite naturally,

impatient in everything to reach the end

without delay.

We should like to skip

the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being

On the way to something unknown

something new,

And yet it is the law of all progress

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability ---

And that it may take a very long time.

Your ideas mature gradually -

let them grow,

let them shape themselves,

without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,

as though you could be today

what time (that is to say, grace and

circumstances acting

on your own good will)

will make you tomorrow.

......accept the anxiety of

feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

VERNAL EQUINOX 2012

In the Northern Hemisphere on March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT) Spring officially arrived on this part of the planet.  When I learned about the Southern Hemisphere many years ago, I wondered how the good people there connected Spring to Easter.  I am not sure I still understand it completely, but having been in the Southern Hemisphere recently, it seemed to me that the folks there don't worry about it all that much.  And the fact is that this March 20 is the autumnal equinox in the Southern Hemisphere.  So much for that!

We know that vernal refers to that which is fresh and young, like the new growth that occurs so much in evidence everywhere in nature.  As I look out on the nearby fields, I see new baby calves, lambs and the baby chicks are arriving soon on our own small acreage.  However, we didn't hatch them this year, we ordered them to be delivered by U.S. Mail!  Spring is a reaffirmation of hope and it's a time for planting seeds and welcoming new growth on all kinds of trees and plants.   It's saying good-bye to Winter and a entering a 3-month transition period to Summer.  Some of us remember the vigorous rituals of Spring housecleaning.  My mother washed all the curtains and hung them out on a stretcher to dry and the entire house was given a thorough cleaning, top to bottom, scrub a dub dub.  The place even smelled clean.

Equinox is Latin for "equal night" and refers to that time when daylight and night time are of equal proportions. At the equinoxes, the tilt of Earth relative to the Sun is zero, which means that Earth’s axis neither points toward nor away from the Sun. (However, the tilt of Earth relative to its plane of orbit, called the ecliptic plane, is always about 23.5 degrees.)  So much for that.  To try and make some kind of adjustment, we go through this rather silly exercise of trying to save a little more daylight by changing the clocks to have more light at the end of the day.  The history of Daylight Savings Time is interesting and illustrates our feeble attempts to manipulate time to our advantage. Since 2007, daylight saving time starts on the second Sunday of March and ends on the first Sunday of November, with all time changes taking place at 2:00 AM (0200) local time.

So what are we to make of this seasonal shift?  Perhaps Alexander Pope said it best:

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733 

Find your own special ways to celebrate Spring whether through ritual and planting, embracing new growth both external and internal, or simply stopping for awhile to observe all that is near and dear.  Then choose to participate in this annual renewal of hope, growth and the buds that signal flower and fruit.  We are all part of this wonder filled creation that we call Nature, thus it is that we are connected to that life-giving force that renews and regenerates.  As Robin Williams said, "Spring is nature's way of saying, let's party!"

THE TIME IS NOW

Personal sacrifice is a high price to pay for what you believe, what you do and who you are as a leader.   On Tuesday, March 6, 2012, Dale Regan, head of the Episcopal School of Jacksonville, was murdered in her office by a former teacher, disgruntled and disturbed by being dismissed earlier.  You can read about Dale here http://blog.esjcs.org/?p=286 and there is a larger issue that concerned leaders would do well to address and it is this.

Violence in our culture has reached epidemic proportions and no one, it seems, is able to get a handle on how to address and mitigate the misery and suffering that are the result of such acts of terrorism.  They are nothing less than heinous acts of depravity against our humanity, as individuals, as communities, families and even against one's self.  Since the Columbine massacre in April of 1999 there have been over 120 school shootings in the United States. 

The statistics are all recorded for anyone to see such as 142 murders in 2010 in New Mexico where I live, with a population of only 2 million people.  That was down from 189 the year before.  In California the number of homicides in 2010 was 1,809, down from 1,970 in 2009.  Let's hope the trend continues downward.   Homicides  (over 16,000 in the U.S. in 2008) do not include suicides and in 2008 there were over 34,000 suicides nationwide.  That alone is an epidemic and if 34,000 people died in one year of some disease in this country the Center for Disease Control would be all over it.  Maybe there should be a Center for Self-Control.

Where does it begin and how can we understand some of the root causes that, as responsible leaders, we might address?  In 1973, I participated in a university research project that studied violence in children's television programs and how it affected their behavior.  It was clear from that carefully conducted study that aggressive behavior in children increased significantly as a result of such programming.  Consider the ensuing 37 years and what has happened in our culture and in our society that may immunize us against violent behaviors. What do you make of our acceptance of costly and ongoing wars that we justify by identifying an enemy so that we can blast them into oblivion and sacrifice our own young men and women in the process?  The debate about whether the violence in movies, video games, and other visuals has any negative effect on young people and adults continues.
Suffice to say here that the U.S. Army uses a video very similar to some of the electronic games to train soldiers to be desensitized against their feelings about killing another person.

Schools have begun to take bullying more seriously, looking for ways to prevent it as well as responding strongly when it happens.  Concerned students are stepping forward to take an active role with their peers who may feel isolated and marginalized.  Schools and community leaders are helping parents find more creative and productive ways to help children participate in positive and constructive activities.  Service learning programs are on the increase that show young people the value of working together to improve the living conditions of everyone whether through social service or community projects that range from protecting the environment to building a habitat.
Restoration projects demonstrate the value of preservation of our resources both natural and human. Mentoring programs connect young people with responsible adults in the larger community.  Working with the younger generation is where we must begin and the time is now.

The Effective and Efficient Leader

Leaders have an enormous array of expectations placed on them by a variety of types and kinds of people from Boards of Directors to employees.  How does one meet the needs of different constituencies and still have the time and energy for a personal life? Communicating with confidence and clarity, delegating wisely and being accessible are but a few strategies for effective leadership.  There are many more tactics available for those who want to work smarter, not harder and longer.

There seems to be a premium being placed on how busy one is, how full the calendar appears, how many meetings one attends, how much can be crammed into a day, week or month.  We've become adept at multi-tasking,

multi-use, multi-purpose, multi-function to the point where the multiplication of jobs and applications of energy make one both weary and wary of work as we once knew it.  Research shows it is also terribly inefficient and nearly as productive as some may want to believe.

Consider the difference between your work and your job.  Then look at some of the specific expectations top-level leaders and managers.  Remind yourself of the results of anxiety, stress and fatigue.  And finally, find some plausible alternatives, in addition to a genuine sabbatical, for renewal and regeneration of body, mind and spirit. 

Work is that which we commit ourselves to do using our talents, our skills our time and energy because that's what we love to do.  It's what we care about, it's what we are passionate about, it's what we believe and sometimes what we know from experience that makes a difference in the lives of other people.  Work is part of who we are, it's a privilege and a joy and it is not only what we do, but it is also part of our identity - CEO is much more than a title; Director of a division or Manager of a department is a lot more than directing and managing.

A job, on the other hand, is often what we have to do to get to our work.   A job is something that must be done in order to keep things straight - things like schedules, maintenance, reports, or things that aren't necessarily a priority for you but may well be for someone else.  It's possible for someone to dearly love creating reports or to really like making the place look great and that can be their work.  It might even be part of your work but one needs to be clear that it's nearly impossible to put the same high priority on more than ten or twelve things simultaneously.

Paper work, forms, regulations, all the "stuff" that also takes time, energy and skill often requires supervision and oversight if not your direct involvement.    You may think it's just semantics to separate job and work but it's one way of carving out that which we really like to do, look forward to doing and that which is more mundane and not necessarily the most exciting and rewarding part of what we do.  Ask yourself if you look forward to going to work.  Seldom do people say I am going to a job and yet we talk about job descriptions not work descriptions.

 

Nan Keohane, a former president of Wellesley,  said that the head of any organization has three big challenges.  I believe the same can be said for a division or department head or director as well.  One challenge is to solve problems, and I would add, anticipate them to the degree possible so that those problems do not escalate and become a crisis.

The second challenge is to make things happen, i.e. find the ways through planning and implementation to realize the stated goals and objectives and the third challenge is to take a stand.  That means making hard decisions and being able to make them stick.   Is there anything you do that doesn't fit into one of those three big categories?

As a CEO or director, you wear that identity wherever you are and you do so

with appropriate pride and confidence.  To be a CEO, a head, a director, a leader is something that is chosen and consciously pursued. It is not merely a response to an invitation to the dance.   When one chooses to be in the position of being responsible for results it comes as no surprise that everyone is watching and evaluating your performance. 

Establishing priorities, having a systematic organization that functions at a high level of efficiency and effectiveness – the well-oiled machine – and knowing who you are in your role along with how you communicate that status go a long way toward being able to meet the multiple demands and expectations that come along with the position.

THE GIFT OF EACH DAY

I just read somewhere that if you want an extra day, you just had one.  What did you do with it? The reference was to February 29,  being Leap Day and if you didn't catch the recent 30 Rock episode devoted to a celebration of Leap Day, find it.  It's worth a chuckle or two, especially Leap Day William.

My own take on an extra day is that every day is a gift and a great way to begin the day is to start with that same question, what will you make of it?  You see, the truth is that we don't actually know how many days we will have, as they are definitely numbered, and we're most fortunate, for many reasons, to have come this far.  Thus, I start out also with gratitude for being given the opportunities that lie ahead to make the most of this day, today, February 29.  That it is presented once every four years to catch up with a rather weird calendar of minutes in an hour, hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month and months in a year is of no consequence.

For a long, long time, since I was a kid who delighted in snow (and still do), I have had this vision of a new day being like newly fallen snow.  No one, especially me, had made any tracks in it yet.  I look out on this new day and there it is, laid out for me in all its splendor with hundreds of possibilities and choices as to how I will engage, with whom, on what terms, for what purpose and where I will be present and make a mark.  And the day begins.

I have a routine, like most people, and mine starts with some meditation, reflection and prayer, often before my feet hit the floor, but many times while sitting or even standing upright.  Position can be very important for thinking, feeling, seeing, musing and planning.  Right now, to my left, is a large body of water, Elliott Bay, in Seattle.  Since I live in the high desert, I often choose to stay on or very near water when I travel as it gives me a deep and visceral connection with one of the elements that nurtures life including my own.

I have already started making my tracks in this day and they will continue with an informal breakfast meeting with a colleague and friend, more encounters and conversations at a national conference of several thousand educators, welcoming my wife flying up from California, seeing long time friends and associates, enjoying a dinner this evening sponsored by an architectural firm in San Antonio and so on.  I will avoid as many formal meetings as possible and probably end the day by reading some of my current night stand book, A New Culture of Learning: Cultivating the Imagination for a World of Constant Change.  And I will finally review the day to see what kinds of tracks I made, the swiggly curves here and there, the intersections, the pathways, the connections and then turn it over, let it go
and welcome sleep.  At least, that's the outline and plan.   Will it go exactly as I think it will?  Of course not and that's perfectly OK.  I am open to learning something new and taking a different tack.

Since I regard each new day as a gift, to be unwrapped, surprised by grace and celebrated joyfully as often as possible it's even exciting to contemplate the possibilities.  Will they all be realized?  No, but if I can even embrace 50% of the possibilities that lie ahead, what a great day it will be!  I hope you enjoy your day, that you make the most and best of it and have the time of your life.  Now, off I go to see what I can give to this day that has been given to me. 

Honoring Dad - February 24, 1912

My Dad would have been 100 yesterday and my thoughts about him included a lot of memories that are both vivid and meaningful.  In my 75th year, I have now lived ten years beyond what he was given. During those 42 years that I knew him, loved him and was guided and inspired by him, much of what I learned remains of value for me to this day and thus I want to honor not only his life but so much that he gave to me and many others.

He and my mother started their life together just out of high school.  Neither of them went to college and they worked together in a butcher shop and grocery store in West Manchester, Ohio.  A few years later, my Dad went to work as a salesman for a wholesale grocery company, Westerfield Brothers, and they moved 14 miles north to Greenville, Ohio.  That is where I was born in 1937, and my brother appeared 4 years later.  I remember Dad settling up his accounts on a card table in our living room and he advanced in that business to become Vice-President in charge of Finance.  The business liquidated after World War II with the advent of large chain grocery stores that replaced all the Mom and Pop stores that Westerfield's serviced.  Dad went on to become the GM of a car dealership and finally was the city auditor in his later years.  When he was appointed, and later elected, I recall a friend saying that it looked like he was going to be on the public dole.  My Dad responded with, "If I can't save you and this city enough to pay my salary several times over, then I shouldn't have the job."  Needless to say perhaps but he was successful not only in managing the city's finances efficiently but also in building new water and sewage treatment plants, in improving public safety and fire protection, and in taking care of the city's infrastructure that included streets, utilities and parks.

Here are a few selected highlights of my memories of my Dad..  He loved to fish, finally bought a small 12' Sears fiberglass boat and a Johnson 10 horse outboard motor and we would haul that thing all the way to Ontario every summer for many years to enjoy a week in a cabin at Twin Pines on Lake Mississagagon.  My brother still returns there from time to time with his son and grandson although I haven't been back but once after we stopped going as a family.  My Dad also taught me to hunt, mostly rabbits and pheasants and squirrels, and for him it was more for food than sport as he was a product of The Great Depression and knew many survival skills.   He was also a great DIY guy and had a small wood shop in the basement complete with table saw, jig saw, sander and many hand tools.
Not only did he know how to butcher both big and small animals, but he could build things, paint houses, plant gardens and fix just about anything.  I was often surprised by how much he knew and how he had learned all that he did including accounting and bookkeeping.

My Dad was active as a Boy Scout leader, as a Sunday School teacher and both he and my mother sang in the church choir.  They had many friends, many of which emanated from their church community and we often visited with other families and celebrated many holidays with several families or relatives.  Trips to grandparents homes for Sunday dinners were frequent as well. My Dad's big trip was to Hong Kong, a trip that my mother won on some radio contest.  He wrote a letter to me and one to my brother, said we were only to open them in the event of power failure while aloft or some other unforeseen event that might prevent their return.  I never saw that letter but I can easily imagine that it said everything was in order, they owed no one anything and that we would find directions for how their estate was to be handled.  For that is how it was when he died and later on as well, when my mother, at 96, also left this world.  He was always prepared.

There were many life lessons that my Dad gave to me one way or another.  I know that I often challenged his and my mother's parental prerogatives and usually, instead of just being punished for some infraction or misstep, he included a learning experience.  When I was caught smoking cigars behind the garage with Harvey Wilt, I had to write on a yellow legal pad, 500 times, "I will not smoke until I am old enough to know better."   I never did acquire a taste for tobacco.   When I lifted a comic book from the G.C. Murphy 10 cents store, he made me take it back and confess my transgression in person to the manager.  I was both ashamed and embarrassed sufficiently not to try that one again.

One Sunday, sitting in those hard, oak church pews, I saw the ushers passing large brass plates into which people were putting real money and envelopes with money in them.  We had a box of those envelopes and every week as much as $10 or more went into that envelope to be placed in that offering plate.  I asked my Dad if I could take some money out and he, with his characteristic wisdom and candor, said, "Yes, you can take some out, but remember always to put in more than you take out."  That was a life lesson that extended far beyond church!

Dad lived his life in service to others whether as a public servant, a member of a local service club or as a community leader.  He was a Civil Defense Air Raid Warden during World War II, he helped other people with businesses and farms with their taxes and accounting, he helped his own family of origin with their own needs and projects and gave unselfishly of this time and talent to many causes which he believed to be important.  He seemed to me to be someone who wanted to make things better and he was very good at finding ways to do that.  I know he made me a lot better and for that I am both blessed and grateful.